afterglow
by starsfalloversideways
Summary: a twilight retelling. Bella is new to Forks, having left Phoenix after a suicide attempt. She meets the inhumanly beautiful Edward who seems to be drawn to her, against his better judgement. M for language, mental illness/ suicidal themes/ adult situations.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE - FIRST TIME**

"Honey, are you sure?" My mother asked me, as we stood in front of the security line at the airport. She managed to sound sincere, even though I knew she was glad I was leaving.

"Yeah, mom. I think a change will be good." That wasn't a lie. I needed to get the fuck out of Phoenix.

"I know your father will be glad to see you."

"Yeah."

"Well. Call me if you need anything. I love you sweetie."

"You too."

She walked away, turning to wave after a few steps.

I was surprised when I felt the first sting of abandonment. It was afterall, my choice to move in with my father. And besides that, my relationship with my mother hadn't been great recently. We had been so close- more best friends than mother and daughter. Mark that as another thing that was taken from me.

I got through security and boarded without issue. The three hour flight went by quickly, and all too soon I was in Seattle.

My dad was standing outside the security gates. He looked just the same, except maybe a little older. His cheeks were flushed from the cold and he was smiling. I hoped it wasn't forced. I had seen that too much over the past three months

"Welcome home, Bella." Then he stepped forward and we had a very awkward and thankfully very brief hug.

"Thanks dad." We didn't really do the small talk thing, but as we walked to the parking he asked me about the flight, how my mom was doing, and where I was thinking of applying to school next year. My answers were: long, great and I'm not sure yet. I could tell he was avoiding the big question. "Why?" There were other questions too, I'm sure.

"Are you still crazy?"

"Will I come home to find you bleeding in the bathtub, just like your mom did?"

I know he came to see me in the hospital. I vaguely remember his chocolate brown eyes ringed red. That was when I was too drugged up to do much of anything. My mom told me later that he stayed with me for three days before being called back to Washington for work.

I searched for the pity in his eyes- or worse, the fear. That was the way my mom looked at me now. I knew it was my fault, but still.

I looked out the window into the lush green forest. Everything looked so alive, even in January. I might be able to live with this. Even the rain wasn't so bad, really, except for what it was doing to my hair. That was another gift from Charlie- curls that never seemed to behave. I could tame it somewhat in the dry heat of Phoenix, but considering the humidity, I saw a lot of messy buns in my future.

As we turned onto Charlie's street he spoke again. "I got you a little homecoming present."

That was unexpected. He must really be excited to have me here. As we approached the house I saw my gift. An old Chevy truck at least thirty years older than I was. I guess Charlie saw my expression and started talking rapidfire.

"It used to be Billy Black's- he's in a wheelchair now so he can't drive it, but it runs great," as if sensing my skepticism he went on.

"Really! Jacob- remember him? That's Billy's boy. He rebuilt the engine so you won't have any issues with that." I got out of the cruiser- Charlie is Chief Swan to the people of Forks, and examined my gift. To my surprise, I was kind of into it. It looked clunky but it had a little retro charm.

"I love it Dad."

He looked a little surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah. Thank you." I meant it.

My room was the same as I had left it, two summers ago. The only new additions were a brand new comforter and a coordinating lamp.

Charlie gestured to the bed, "I hope you like it. I had the lady at the store pick it out and I thought you liked blue." He was looking a little embarrassed again.

"It's great Dad. Thank you." _For everything_ , I added in my head.

"No problem. I'll let you get sorted out in here." With that he walked downstairs and flipped on the TV.

I didn't bother unpacking. The day had been too long for me. I coped by crawling under the covers and falling into a deep sleep.

I was in the woods outside Charlie's house. It was dark outside, and only a sliver of moon was visible in the sky. I didn't know why I was here, but I needed to be. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breathe, revelling in the feeling that everything was okay.

Then, a twig snapped behind me and I saw those eyes, glowing red and then-

I woke up in a cold sweat. Same fucking dream every night. Sometimes the setting would change, but the eyes never did. I was just grateful I had stopped screaming myself awake.

A quick look at the clock informed me that it was 4:45AM. Too early to get ready for my first day, but I knew there was no way I could fall asleep again.

I got up and rifled through my suitcase until I found my shower bag and made my way to the bathroom. I spent a long time under the too-hot water, trying to wash away the remains of my dream.

When I got back to my room I surveyed my appearance in the long mirror attached to my closet door. My long brown hair hung down in its natural waves around my face. I looked so washed out, no color at all, plus all the weight I lost in the hospital made my cheeks look hollow. I popped on some mascara, eyeliner and some tinted chapstick just so I didn't look like a total zombie. I used to be a total makeup junkie, but I just didn't have the energy anymore. I pulled on a pair of worn jeans and the least wrinkled shirt from my suitcase. And with that, I was ready for my first day at Forks High.

And with only an hour and a half to spare!

I made my way downstairs, and Charlie was already up, eating breakfast.

He looked up at me and asked, "Hey, aren't teenagers supposed to sleep in?"

"Not this one," I said with a smile. He was trying.

We made small talk as I tried to choke down some cereal and then switched to watching the local news.

"Bella?" my dad asked, "It's time for school."

"Did I fall asleep?"

"Yeah, for a couple minutes." He gave me directions to school, promising that it was a straight shot from the highway.

I grabbed my bag and was halfway out the door before I heard him say, "Good luck Bells."

"Thanks Dad!" I called back. I was certainly going to need it.

My truck started just fine, suprising me a little. It ran great too, even if it was noisier than I would've liked. The radio worked too, and I adjusted the station, trying to find something good, while I drove. I flipped through the stations, from generic pop to gospel until I found an okay alternative station.

The high school was easy enough to find, straight off the highway like Charlie had said. It was strange though. Instead of the multi-level, gray building with chain link fences and a metal detector that had been my school in Phoenix, this was almost homey. It was laid out in a series of small brick buildings with little breezeways stretching out between them.

I drove around until I found the building labelled office and parked in what I could only assume was the student parking lot. I grabbed my backpack and made my way inside, ready to face my new school.

The office itself reminded me of the school. It was decorated the inside of a grandmother's home, complete with pillows that had inspirational sayings embroidered on them and a handknit afghans on the little couch by the door. The woman at the desk had a shock of orange hair that was piled in a bun at the top of her head. I imagined her living room looked a lot like the office.

"How can I help you, dear?"

"I'm Bella Swan, and I'm-"

She cut me off excitedly, "Oh, Isabella! Everyone's been expecting you. You know your father has been so happy these past few weeks, talking all about you,," Oh God. That meant everyone had heard about me. I could only hope embarrassing school pictures hadn't been involved.

"Here's a map of campus," she had highlighted the way to my classes. I liked her already.

"Thank you." I said with a smile.

"My pleasure sweetheart. And here's your schedule. Just have your teachers sign this sheet right here," She indicated to one of many pieces of paper in the folder she was holding, "And just bring it back here at the end of the day, alright?" She passed the folder over to me.

"Yes m'am." This was all a bit overwhelming.

She smiled at me, waving as I left.

Forks High was tiny. I liked the anonymity of the city. It didn't matter that I was an anxious mess most of the time. It meant no one noticed when I stopped showing up to school. Everyone blended in with the crowd, and that was how I liked it. I was already expecting a bit of a spectacle today. Forks High School had a total of 357 students, and didn't often see newcomers. I couldn't blend into the crowd here, no matter how badly I wanted to.

My first class was English with Mr. Masen. I stuck to my map and found my way there with time to spare before the first bell rung. The teacher was nice too, giving me the reading list and a syllabus.

The list was great, actually. Some Plath, Fitzgerald, Shakespeare and even some poetry. My favorite though was Catcher in the Rye. I wasn't a big fan of Holden (a little too whiny for my taste) but I was infatuated with Salinger's writing style. Franny and Zooey was easily in my top ten books list.

I had already covered the material they were discussing today in an AP class last year, but I was grateful for the break. Class was over all too soon.

After the bell rang a guy with longish black hair and almond shaped eyes came up to me.

"You must be Isabella." Wow, news does travel fast here.

"Just Bella is fine." Shit, was that rude? I don't want to be that asshole from Phoenix.

Thankfully, the boy took it in stride. "Oh, okay got it. Bella.", He smiled at me, "I'm Eric by the way. How you liking the rain?

"Getting used to it."

"Girl, just wait. It'll only get worse."

"Don't remind me." I said, adding a groan for effect.

He smiled again, "Where are you headed?"

I consulted my schedule, "Government with Miller."

"Me too! I'll walk you."

He was pretty chatty, talking to me through the walk and only stopping when I had to sit down. I was grateful he was so nice, but I had to admit I was a little glad to be sitting on the other side of the room. I just wasn't much of a talker.

My next two classes passed quickly. The girl I was sitting next to in Trig had made small talk with me and after class asked me if I wanted to eat lunch with her and her friends. I gratefully accepted, not wanting to sit alone on my first day.

Her name was Jessica as I found out on the walk to lunch. She had caramel colored skin and natural hair. She was on the student council and they were having a budget crisis over the upcoming school dance.

"I mean, what are we supposed to do with $200? Buy two balloons and some soda?"

I said something sympathetic and she kept on, "I mean, really. But I have to think of something. This has to be phenomenal or I'll never get elected class president next year." By then we had arrived at the cafeteria, and Jessica got me up to speed on the drama in the student council (apparently the treasurer was hooking up with the president and the budget was a wreck).

She brought me over to a table with a few people I recognized. Eric, from first period. A girl whose name I think was Angela who was in my second period and a few other semi-familiar faces.

They started into a heated debate about whether or not the math teacher was pregnant "But she drinks decaf now!" Jess practically yelled, and I happily blended into the background for a while.

"So, Bella, where are you from?" A blonde boy who had introduced himself as Mike asked me.

"Phoenix, I said quickly. "In Arizona.

"But you're so-"

"Tan?" I suggested with a smile.

Just then the cafeteria doors burst open and five people walked in who looked more like they belonged on the set of some CW drama than this tiny high school. Every last one of them was drop dead gorgeous, the two girls and the three boys.

"Who are they?" I couldn't help but ask.

Jess was happy to fill me in, "Those are the Cullens. There's Alice, the little one. Emmet is the big guy with dark hair. The two blondes are Rosalie and Jasper Hale."

Again. I couldn't stop my next question,"Who's the redhead?"

"That's Edward." I decided that of the five, he was the most supernaturally beautiful. He had reddish brown hair that was expertly tousled and his pale face was stunningly handsome. Plus, he was filling out his henley t-shirt really, really well.

Realizing I might have been staring a second too long, I jumped back in with another question

"Have they always lived here?"

"No,"Jess answered before giving me a strange look and whispering, "Edward Cullen is staring at you," I couldn't hide my blush.

"Why is he doing that?"

Jess looked like she was as shocked as I was, "I honestly have no idea. They usually keep to themselves. I don't think I've ever seen Edward look at someone like that."

I was getting mildly uncomfortable, so I launched into more questions. "Are they related?"

"No, they're foster kids. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen adopted them a long time ago. I think the Hales are her sister's kids or something. When she died the Cullens took them in."

"That's an awfully generous thing to do."

Jess shrugged."Yeah, I guess. It's weird though, because they're all like, together."

"What do you mean?"

"Like, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper. They're dating."

"Oh, wow."

"Yeah and they live together right? I wish I could get away with something like that."

She hadn't mentioned why they all looked like _that._ "Are they all like, models or something?"

"Yeah I know, right." She leaned in conspiratorially, " It has to be plastic surgery though, right? Like there is no way everyone in that family has a perfect nose, they aren't even really related."

The bell rang then, and I followed the quiet girl at the table, Angela, to biology.

 _-e-_

 _Today, the school was abuzz with gossip. A new girl had arrived, the police chief's daughter, no less, and everyone had taken notice. She was featured in just about every mind I encountered, and emotions were mixed. Most of the people she had come into contact with had thought she was nice. A few people seemed to think she was more than nice, as demonstrated by some rather unappealing sexual fantasies flashing through Mike Newton's head. Poor girl._

 _She seemed nervous, in the interactions I had seen played out in other people's eyes. She was also gorgeous. Words like "pretty" and "hot" were floating around but they weren't enough. Human eyes might not be able to discern the extent of her perfection, but I certainly could. Her dark brown hair contrasted with her fair skin, almost pale enough to belong to one of my kind. She had a delicate silver hoop through her left nostril and a deep green flannel on, unbuttoned just far enough. Her eyes were large ringed with kohl. They were the same dark blue-grey as a storming sea. Goddamn, I gotta stop reading 19th century poetry before school. I tried to tune back into my brother Emmett's story, but it was a lost cause._

 _She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen- vampires included. I suddenly realised that I wanted her. Wanted her like I hadn't wanted anyone in almost a hundred years. I couldn't help but watch her._

 _She seemed to be getting along with everyone at her table- their thoughts were all centered on her. Well, centered on the new girl anyway. I didn't think they had a very good idea of who she was._

 _But I didn't hear her mind. I figured it was just quieter than others- that happened time to time. Mental voices were just like people- extroverts practically screamed their thoughts at me, while quiet people were more like a whisper that had to be closely listened to. I looked at her, trying to focus in on her voice._

 _But it wasn't there. I listened to the people around her- Jessica, Eric and even shy Angela's thoughts were open to me. But not hers._

 _I focused harder, almost glaring at the girl. Nothing happened. What was she?_

 _I was only broken out of my haze when I heard the familiar voice of Jessica Stanley, resident yearbook president and notorious school gossip, "Edward Cullen is staring at you!"_

 _The girl looked away, a pink tinge rising to her cheeks. Jessica leaned in and gave her the scoop on my family- the official story, anyway. Since I couldn't hear her thoughts, I listened to the conversation, hoping to stumble across some clue as to why her mind was closed to me._

 _Jessica went through the normal bullshit- Carlisle had adopted Alice, Emmett and I after our parent's passing (which wasn't necessarily untrue) and together he and Esme had taken in Rose and Jasper from an unsavory home life, which again, wasn't necessarily untrue. Still, who believed that a young couple- my parents were both in their early twenties when they were turned, could adopt five, almost-grown children? Our kind's natural persuasiveness came in handy sometimes._

 _The bell rang, startling me. I hadn't been startled for a long time._

 _I threw my untouched lunch away and walked out the side door to biology. My sister Alice followed me, and I realized I hadn't been paying attention to her- or any of my four siblings for that matter, at lunch. Alice was smiling like she had fishhooks on either side of her mouth._

" _What?" I tried to reach into her mind, but she was furiously reciting an Emily Dickinson poem in a successful attempt to keep me from seeing her thoughts._

" _Alice, what is it? What did you see?"_

" _You'll find out soon enough." And with that, she scattered off in the direction of her next class. Sometimes I hated having a psychic in the family._

 _I took a seat in my usual spot, by the window. The view of the forest came in useful when Mr. Banner lectured on something I had learned twenty-times over. I had been to medical school, and I spent my days being lectured about how the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell and learning how to do punnett squares._

 _The rest of the class was filing in now. She walked in just as the bell rang. I still couldn't hear her._

 _As she made her way across the classroom to the teacher's desk, she walked in front of the fan buzzing in the corner. My world went red. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe. The focus of my whole existence was this girl. It was as if everything in the world had snapped into place and she was the center of it._

 _A minute or so passed and my head wouldn't clear. She walked in my direction to the only open seat in the classroom- right next to me._

 _I was staring. Fuck, what was this?_

 _She was looking mildly concerned, but I just couldn't look away._

" _Hey."_

 _I was at a loss for words. Here I was, looking at my reason for existence. My almost a century spent on this planet had been nothing but waiting for this moment._

" _I'm Bella Swan," she continued._

" _I know." She looked somewhat taken aback. Fuck, Cullen, get a hold of yourself._

" _I mean, I've heard people saying- new student… you know?" Was I speaking English at this point? "Edward!"_

" _Sorry?"_

" _My name. It's Edward."_

" _I know," She threw a coy smile my way and I thought I might die right there._

 _I spent the next forty-two minutes acutely aware of Bella. I could feel a buzz of electricity coming off of her skin, and I wanted so badly to take her hand under the table. And then from there, my hand would graze her thigh and I would- The bell rang._

 _She got up slowly, gathering her books together._

" _See you later, Edward."_

 _I sputtered out what I hope sounded like a "Yeah," but I was too lost to know for sure._

 _I watched her leave, and after she had left the room I finally let myself exhale._

 _This was it. I had finally met my mate._


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO- SLOPPY SECONDS**

 _I was greeted with a wolf whistle as soon as I reached my car. Great. I shot a glare at Alice, knowing she must have seen this coming. And then told all of my other siblings. But I couldn't be annoyed for long. Not when the happiest moment of my existence so far had occurred forty-five minutes ago. But what did this mean for me, for her? Isabella. God, I loved her already._

 _Emmett snapped me out of my internal monologue, "Hey little brother, we heard the good news! Finally found someone who gets your engine revving."_

" _Emmett, please". It was true, but still. Did he have to be so crude?_

" _I'm just saying, Eddy. It's about time. We were starting to think-"_

 _It was Rose who cut him off this time, with a glare._

 _I threw the keys to my brother, "Jasper, take the Volvo. I'm going to walk home." I needed time to think._

" _No need to get your panties in a bunch"_

" _I just want to be alone for a bit, Em."_

 _And, to tell the truth, I doubted that I could stand to be in a car with all of them, surrounded by their thoughts about this new development before I had time to sort it out myself. I waved goodbye, and walked toward the treeline at a quick, but human speed. As soon as I was sure no one could see, I took off running._

 _Sometimes this was the only way to clear my head. I ran miles and miles, until I got to a clearing I frequented. It was a beautiful meadow, sitting close to a stream. Of course, it was totally frosted over, but during the spring and summer it was breathtaking, filled with wildflowers in every color. Would she like it here? Would she trust me enough to come?_

 _When vampires mated, it was always two ways. The pair loved each other from the first moment they met, but did it work that way with humans? She seemed to be flirting with me in biology, but what if I misread it? What if Isabella didn't love me? Or even like me? Would her feelings grow overtime, and what would I do if they didn't?_

 _I didn't know much about her. She was thoughtful, quiet. She was from Phoenix, Arizona. And of course she was beautiful._

 _I couldn't wait to get to know her. I wanted to know her favorite color, her favorite band. What book touched her most and her guilty pleasure TV shows. I wanted to know what made her happy and give it to her, and what made her sad and take it away. I wanted to do everything I could to ensure her life was filled with happiness. Nothing could keep me from doing that at least. If she could somehow love me as I loved her, I would be the happiest man alive. But if I could just be in her presence, make her life better- that would be enough for me._

 _Having a better grasp on my thoughts now, I decided to head home._

 _When I arrived Esme was in the living room, smiling warmly._

 _How could she know? Oh right, psychic little sister. "Alice."_

" _Honey, she's just excited for you. We all are."_

 _I loved seeing my mother happy, but I had some questions that were pressing too heavily on my mind for me to stay and chat for much longer, "Is Carlisle home?" If anyone could answer my questions, it would be him. He was centuries old and had lived with the Volturi- vampire royalty- for a few decades. He was the most knowledgeable vampire in North America._

 _She smiled at me again, "He's in his office."_

" _Thanks, Mom."_

 _As I walked up the stairs she called. "I better get to meet this young lady soon!"_

 _Carlisle's office door was cracked open._

" _Come in, Edward."_

 _I cut right to it, not able to wait. "I'm sure you've heard what happened today."_

 _He nodded, sympathetically. Keeping secrets was hard in a house where everyone had super-hearing, not to mention my telepathy or Alice's visions._

" _Why don't you sit down, son?" he asked._

 _I did as he said. "Do you know if- has this ever happened to anyone else? With a human I mean?"_

" _I've never heard of a case quite like yours- but when I saw Esme, and when Rosalie saved Emmett, they were bonded, even before Esme and Emmett were changed."_

 _I hadn't thought of that. "Is that different, though? Since they were on the verge of dying?"_

" _I'm not sure. Her being alive and well does complicate the situation," it was rare to hear sarcasm from Carlisle._

" _Do humans feel the mating connection?"_

" _That might be a question for Emmett- Esme was unconscious by the time I got to her." He continued, "I would imagine they did though, even if it may not be as strong as what we feel."_

" _I worry about that- about her feeling the same. But I'm also concerned- I've never spent too much time around humans, certainly not alone. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hurt her."_

" _Edward, you've been to medical school. If you can handle stitching up wounds, you should be able to spend time with the girl. I have confidence in you, son."_

 _I struggled with my last question, my victorian sensibilities fighting with my all too human instincts. "And for future reference- very far into the future- do you think it would be possible to be… intimate with a human?"_

 _He was amused by my embarrassment. "Very much so. Your cousins in Denali have been doing that without harming their partners for years. You would just need to master your self control. One second of distraction could be disastrous."_

 _That caused me immense relief. I wanted Isabella, all of her. I would just have to make sure my self control was flawless._

" _If you want my honest opinion son, I think you're the best vampire this could have happened to. Your discipline is incredible, and I know you'll let your morals guide you," he paused, "I don't believe that you would put this girl's life in danger."_

" _Thank you, Carlisle."_

" _You're welcome. We're all very happy for you, you know."_

 _I thanked him again, and walked out of the office._

 _I left Carlisle feeling comforted. While I didn't feel totally at ease with the situation, at least I knew I wasn't going to put Isabella into immediate danger, just by spending time with her. I searched for an album to listen to, something to keep me calm. Music had always been my go-to distraction._

 _A few minutes into the search, a gentle knock sounded outside my door- Alice._

 _She poked her head through the door. "I need to talk to you about something- what I've seen."_

" _What is it Alice?" She sat down on my couch, making herself comfortable._

" _So you've found your mate, right? It's all love at first sight and everything,"_

" _Right. It's a little ridiculous- I didn't know her name yesterday, and now I would give my life for her without thinking."_

 _She smiled, "That's exactly how it was with Jasper." She stopped, taking an unnecessary breath,"But humans aren't like that. If you come on too strong, you'll totally freak her out."_

 _I nodded, knowing that she was right._

" _So you need to keep it chill. Talk to her in class, try to be her friend first."_

" _I'll try." This would be hard. I couldn't deny the way I felt about her, but Alice was right._

" _Just remember that she's a human, Edward? Not only that, but a young one."_

 _I appreciated the advice. Truly, I hadn't considered that I needed to ease into the relationship, if there was even going to be one. I was ready to propose to Isabella tomorrow._

" _Thank you." My sister was intolerable sometimes, but she had my best interests at heart._

" _What was that?" She asked, feining confusion._

" _Alice, you have perfect hearing."_

 _She laughed and turned down the hall towards the stairs._

-b-

I pulled into the school parking lot, wondering if my second day at Forks High would be as confusing as my first. I spent hours last night thinking about the strange boy in my biology class. Edward Cullen- the boy who according to Jess had never so much as looked at a girl in Forks had seemed almost flustered when he was talking to me. He literally looks like a movie star, but talked to me like I was the one out of his league. This town was fucking weird.

I sat through my first few classes, barely paying attention. I sought out Jess when our class let out for lunch- I thought if anyone could explain Edward's strange behavior it might be her.

We chatted about class as we wove through the lunch line. I picked up an apple, feeling too anxious to eat anything else. I wanted to bring him up, but I didn't know how.

Luckily, I didn't have to. A few minutes into lunch Angela whispered, "Uh, Bella? He's looking at you again."

Jess jumped right in, "What is going on?He's never shown an interest at anyone else at this school. We all figured he was gay."

"I actually talked to him yesterday," I admitted, blushing again.

"No!" Jess looked like I had told her that I had a third arm.

By this point, we had captured the attention of the whole table. Apparently, I wasn't the only one with a slight Cullen obsession.

"Yeah, turns out we're in the same bio class."

Jess and Angela were transfixed. I continued, "And, he was the only person there without a lab partner, so…"

Jess's eyes widened, "Shut up!"

"So, I introduced myself, right? I mean we're going to be lab partners for the rest of the year.

"Lucky." This time it was Angela who chimed in. Did everyone have a crush on Edward?

"That's what I thought. But it was strange."

"What happened?"

"He was all flustered when he talked to me, stumbling over words, stuff like that. It was as if _I_ was the ridiculously good looking one."

"That's seriously weird, coming from Cullen." Jess confirmed my theory- this was an uncommon occurrence for the supernaturally beautiful boy.

"Am I reading too far into it- do you guys think I'm crazy?" I didn't want to come across as conceited- and to be fair, I had hallucinated before. Nothing this vivid though.

"Maybe, but dude, if you hook up with him before spring break I'll literally throw you a party."

"Jess!" Angela was appalled.

"Sorry, mom." She replied in a teasing tone, before turning to me, "Angela's a preacher's daughter, you know? So I'm the only one who wants to hear all the steamy details after you fuck him,"

"Oh my god, Jess stop," Angela looked as mortified as I felt.

"Seriously, Jess. I've spoken two sentences to the guy."

"Why am I friends with so many prudes?"Jess said, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, I promise if by some weird miracle I end up in bed with him, I'll text you right after we're done." This seemed to pacify her.

Angela still seemed uncomfortable, so I started asking her about what their was to do in Forks, and soon the whole table was animatedly telling me which places to avoid- apparently the local movie theatre charged exorbitant prices, and it was better just to drove up to Port Angeles- and where they liked to hang out. I just _had_ to go to somewhere called La Push beach with everyone in the next couple weeks, when the weather let up, according to Mike Newton.

When the bell rang, I was equal parts excited and apprehensive to see Edward again? What if I had made the whole thing up in my head?

He was already in his seat when I walked in. As soon as I sat down and pulled out my notebook his attention was on looked straight into my eyes, and I got lost.

His eyes- if the rest of him was perfection, they were heavenly. I was lost in them. A beautiful amber color, they were looking expectantly at me. Oh, shit he asked me a question- I was the frazzled one now.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I know my behavior might have come off as a little strange."

"Oh, don't worry about it. I'm used to strange." Fuck, now I was insulting him, " Not that you are! Strange I mean." Smooth, Swan.

After I had managed to make a total fool of myself, Mr. Banner announced that we would be doing group work today. A worksheet about simple genetics. The papers were gradually passed to where Edward and I were sitting. It was multiple choice. No way would this take forty-five minutes to complete.

It looked like Edward was thinking the same thing, but he didn't say anything, so I started.

"Number one is B, two is C, next one's B again-"

"You're a quick thinker,"

"Yeah, I took AP Bio last semester, I just missed the last few weeks, so here I am."

"What happened?" He sounded genuinely concerned, and that scared me a little.

Shit, why did I bring that up? "Um, just personal stuff." Had I actually almost told this beautiful stranger that I tried to kill myself a few months ago? That was information I wanted to stay in Phoenix, permanently.

He seemed unfazed though, scanning through the rest of the sheet and checking the answers he thought were right.

"Do you mind if I…" Fuck, I didn't want him to think I didn't trust his answers.

He smiled though, somehow infinitely patient with me, "Be my guest,"

After a quick scan, I realised I had nothing to worry about. Every answer was correct.

A quick glance around the room told me that we were the only two finished. Mr. Banner was reading a newspaper, and looking like he had a serious hangover.

I tried to steal another look at Edward, before realizing he was already looking at me.

"So, what brings you to Forks?"

Great. The one question I dreaded most. "Um, just needed a change of scenery, you know. And I don't spend enough time with Charlie- my dad, I mean." I was such a shitty liar.

I searched his face, intending to see if he caught my lie, but I just ended up getting distracted. It really wasn't fair for him to be so ridiculously good-looking.

"Do you miss Phoenix?"

"Just the sunshine. I'm feeling seriously vitamin-D deprived."

That seemed to amuse him for some reason, but something caught my attention, "How did you know I was from Phoenix?"

"I hate to tell you this, but you were the main topic of school gossip, even before you got here."

"Oh god." Attention was the last thing I wanted. My plan was to move to Forks, be invisible for a year and a half, and then go to college somewhere far away.

"And it's only gotten worse- Forks hasn't seen a new student since my family and I moved her two years ago, and when you showed up, looking like you do…"

"What does that mean?" What was wrong with the way I looked?

"I just meant, you know, that you would have been a hot topic if you were average-looking, but you being gorgeous just made it worse."

"Shut up." Okay, we were back to the flirting thing.

"No, I'm serious- especially compared to that middle school picture Charlie showed everyone."

"Oh my god." I think I had managed turned the color of a stop sign.

"Braces weren't a great look for you," he teased.

"I'm literally going to kill him."

"He was excited that you were coming."

"Edward, do you have plans after school?"

He looked surprised, "No, why?"

"I might need help burning every picture of myself in that house from the ages of eleven to thirteen."

"It wasn't that bad". He tried to sound reassuring, but I could tell he was seconds away from laughing.

"Was it the one where I look sort of cross-eyed?"

"If I say yes will you get angry?", he said with a smile.

"Edward, I'm being totally honest with you when I say that that is the most flattering picture of me from those years."

"Well, if you don't mind me saying, puberty certainly worked in your favor." Okay he was definitely flirting with me. What should I do? I had limited experience with boys, and even less with dating one. And I knew for certain that Edward would not be just a casual hookup.

"So what about you, Mr. Cullen? Any embarrassing childhood photos?" I asked.

"No," he answered almost too quickly. Fuck, I forgot he was adopted. I knew what it was like to have unpleasant memories brought up, and I hated to do that to someone else.

I tried to change the subject, "Well there has to be something you're embarrassed of." I stopped to think for a second. "What's the worst song currently on your phone?"

He looked at me conspiratorially, "I can't tell you here, too many potential witnesses."

"It can't be that bad,"

"Oh it is," I looked at him expectantly and he continued, "But, hey, class will be over in two minutes. Let me walk you to your car and I'll tell you there." He smiled at me again, and I was helpless. He could have asked me to go to Alaska with him, and I would have said yes.

"Okay, Cullen," I conceded. "But it has to be really, really embarrassing."

The bell rang then, and I dumped my books into my bag and started for the door. Edward grabbed the day's assignment and popped it onto Mr. Banner's desk before following me.

"So, what is it?" I asked as soon as we left the classroom.

"Parking lot," He reminded me.

"Edward, you're being a little overdramatic here,"

"I'm not telling you until we're there," he insisted.

"Okay, then walk faster." He chuckled at that, a low sound that I realised I quite enjoyed.

"I'm going to guess until we get there." He nodded in acceptance.

"Is it from Cats?"

"No,"

"Is it by Nickelback?"

"Frankly, I'm insulted." He stopped."But, we are at your car, and I did promise, so…" He leaned in close and whispered in my ear. Goddamnit this was not fair!

"I have every Taylor Swift album. Downloaded and on CD."

My eyes went wide, "That was totally worth the walk."

He laughed again before saying, "My family's waiting for me, but it was nice meeting you officially, Isabella." I liked the way he said my name.

Right then, I decided to be bold, something I never would have done in Phoenix, "Oh, before you go, would you put your number in my phone? In case I have any pressing questions about biology, or country-pop crossover artists this weekend?"

He nodded, and I handed him my brick of an iPhone.

After entering his number he handed my phone back to me, and shot me one last dazzling smile before he turned away.

Goddamn, I was in trouble.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you for the favorites, follows and especially the reviews! They definitely encourage me to write faster ;)

 **CHAPTER THREE- THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM**

I climbed into my car as quickly as humanly possible, refusing to let Edward catch a glimpse of the seriously huge grin I was sporting. What had I just done?

I had never been this bold before, even before last fall. My interactions with boys were limited to a few casual make outs in the dressing room at drama practice.

And Edward certainly wasn't anything like them. He was wickedly smart, first of all. And funny. And beautiful, how could I forget that?

I could still feel his cool breath against my neck, his lips nearly against my ear. How would it feel to have his lips on my neck? Against my own lips? And exactly had I gotten so infatuated with someone so quickly? I had been in Forks a total of three days, and already, I had a full-blown crush on a guy. This town was really fucking weird, but if it meant that a boy who was exactly my type would call me gorgeous, I'm not sure that I minded too much.

As soon as I got home I realised I had something urgent to do.

Jess picked up the phone after one and a half rings, "Hey Bella, " she called in a sing song, "I saw you in the parking lot with Edward!"

I rushed out with the news, not quite sure it was real, "He walked me to my car and then he gave me his number?"

The squeal on the other side of the line was all I needed.

"Jess, what do I do?"

"Um, whatever you have been doing seems to be working pretty well," She paused. " Are you gonna text him?"

I hadn't planned that far ahead."That's what I'm wondering. I think I want to."

"Okay, well absolutely do not text him tonight. Wait until tomorrow- with boys you need to build up the excitement. Make him wonder."

"Thanks, Jess." I appreciated the advice, even if it seemed a little silly.

"Oh, my mom's home, I have to go! But come over on Sunday. Ang and I were planning to study anyway, and you can tell me absolutely everything."

"I will! Just text me your address."

"Okay, see you!"

I had plans! With friends! I wasn't a social outcast in Phoenix, but I rarely hung out with people outside of after school activities. And after my stay in the hospital, even the people I had been in drama club with for two years acted as if I didn't exist. I didn't get so much as a Facebook message asking how I was. I tried not to dwell on it, rationalizing to myself that they must have gotten so caught up in midterms that they forgot. It still stung, though.

To take my mind off of it, I walked up to my room and grabbed my weathered copy of Franny and Zooey. Curling up with a book usually helped. I tried to read for a while, but after I had read the same sentence four times, I gave up.

Instead, I turned my attention to the Edward problem. What should I text him? Do I keep it casual? I typed out _Hey, it's Bella from bio!_ but deleted it almost immediately. That wasn't really a conversation starter. The next three I typed out were worse. How was I so bad at this?

Before I could further question my ineptitude with the opposite sex, I heard the door unlock. Charlie.

He arrived with a pizza. We had eaten a lot of take out in the past few days ,and I was starting to sense that maybe he wasn't much of a cook.

We chatted comfortably throughout dinner. He told me about some office gossip and I shared the details of my day (sparing the Edward portion, of course. I would cross that bridge when there actually was a bridge to cross) and my plans for Sunday with Jess.

""I'm really glad you're making friends here. Your mom was worried," Ow.

He kept going, "And you're doing alright Bella? Taking your meds and everything?"

I forced out a smile. "Yeah, I'm good," I said, pushing back from the table. "I'm gonna go upstairs- lots of homework to finish." I threw away my paper plate and took the stairs up at record speed, so Charlie didn't have time to protest.

I couldn't fight the tears as they started coming, but I didn't want my dad to see. I figured the shower was the best place to have a breakdown unnoticed. I stripped and turned on the water, not wanting to break into full-on sobs when Charlie might be able to hear me.

Damnit. I had almost managed to forget it. That's why I came to Forks in the first place. I needed to escape the weight of what I had done to myself.

I couldn't stand the way my mom was- always walking on eggshells around me, counting out my medication to be sure I was taking the pills they gave me.

When I got to the hospital, they diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. I had never had a name for my highs or lows before. It was almost worse in a way, knowing what was wrong. I had an illness now. I would always have a disorder. I would have to take medication for the rest of my life to be a functioning human being.

The doctors were very gentle when they explained it to me. I had woken up with an aching in my throat and a heavily bandaged wrist. They told me what I had done wasn't my fault. It was the depression. And if I listened to them and took the medicine like a good girl, I wouldn't do it again.

I hated it. I hated feeling like this. Like I wasn't in control.

I hated hurting people, especially my mom and Charlie.

Wouldn't making friends here make it worse? If I tried again, I wouldn't just be hurting my parents. It would be Jessica and Angela too. And Edward.

What was I doing to him?

It wasn't right. He needed to know what had happened to me. And what I had done.

How could I have tricked myself into believing that there was something there? He didn't want me. And even if he did, would I do this to him? Could I let him get close to me, just to let him down? Despite my other failings, I didn't think I was capable of being that cruel.

I couldn't control the sobs anymore. I reached my arms around myself, hoping that if I could curl up into a small enough ball I could sink down the drain and disappear.

Eventually, I managed to scrape myself off of the smooth tile floor. I pulled a towel around myself and tip-toed to my room. I didn't want to bother Charlie more than I already had.

I pulled on panties and an old t-shirt and hid under the covers. I was so exhausted from the crying that I was asleep in minutes.

-e-

 _I was having a hard time taking it slow._

 _She was just so easy to talk to, so easy to love. And she hadn't done me any favors today, showing up to school in tight black jeans and a low-cut red top with a cardigan draped over it. And with the worksheet in biology, it felt like an invitation._

 _Talking to her just made it harder. I couldn't help myself from being a little forward. Calling her gorgeous, no matter how true it was, might have been a little much for our second conversation._

 _Luckily for me, she didn't seem phased by it._

 _And when she let me walk her to her car, I could have sang from excitement. And whispering in her ear, getting that close to her neck, brought up a different kind of excitement with me._

 _I wondered if she would ever let me touch her. I wanted to worship her body, run my hands along all the gentle curves, trace patterns on her bare skin, press my cool lips to her warm ones._

 _That's what I was thinking the whole way home, too lost in my head to pay attention to any of my siblings._

 _When we reached the house, Alice pulled me aside._

" _I saw something about her," Alice said, and then she brought up the memory._

 _I saw the vision of Bella's future, just as it had appeared in Alice's mind. She was on the phone with someone- sounding excited. And then she was curled in bed, with her phone in her hands. I watched her draft out three or four texts, and then delete every one. Another image came into focus then. She was in the shower, curled up into the corner with her arms wrapped around herself. Isabella was crying, her tears mixing in with the water hitting her face. Her small cries were muffled by the running water._

" _Alice, what happened?" I couldn't keep the panic out of my voice._

" _I.. I don't know. I saw her on the phone, and then…" I saw the image again in Alice's mind._

" _Please, stop thinking about it. I - I don't know what to do."_

" _I know you don't want to hear this Edward, but I don't think there's much you_ can _do,"_

 _Alice was right, of course. I couldn't go stake out her bathroom and hold her as she cried. But God, how I wished I could._

 _I want to run over to her house and take her in my arms and fix whatever it is that was wrong. But I couldn't._

 _Alice saw what I was planning to do the moment it popped into my head. Even if I couldn't be with her, I could be close. I could keep watch by her house, to make sure she was safe. It wasn't as good as being able to comfort her, but it was something._

" _I think that'll be fine, Edward." She knew how strong the instinct to protect your mate could be._

" _I just need to do something for her," I explained._

" _I understand. But whatever you do, don't let her know you're there. No matter how upset she is. I only see it ending badly, for the both of you."_

 _I nodded at her, deciding I would leave as soon as the sun went down._

 _A few hours later, I emerged from my room. I had spent the time trying to read for a while, and then trying to listen to music. I couldn't keep my mind off of her, no matter how hard I tried._

 _I was walking down the hall towards the door when I heard Rosalie behind me._

" _Edward." She greeted._

" _Rose."_

 _Suddenly, her calm demeanor shifted, "What the fuck are you doing?" She let all the anger in her mind loose then, and I could feel every bit of it. And I knew why._

" _I haven't done anything." I insisted._

" _But will you? Are you going to turn her, Edward? Force her into this life?" She brought up images in her head of her fantasies- growing old with Emmett by her side, both of them with grey hair and wrinkles, surrounded by sons, daughters and grandchildren. Something she could never have._

" _I would never force her into this!" How could she think I would damn the one I loved?_

" _So you'll be fine then? In a couple decades when she's gone?" Rose challenged._

" _When the time comes for her to go, I'll let it happen. And then I'll follow." I had thought of this, pretty much immediately after I came to terms with being mated to Isabella. I would not turn her, but if she wasn't in my life, there was no life for me._

 _I saw her mind evaluate the scenario. She didn't want me to die, but she saw it as the only way of keeping Isabella human. Rose was the most rational of all of us, excluding maybe Carlisle. She conceded, "Okay."_

" _Is that all?" I was anxious to get to Isabella._

" _No." Rose's most recent graduate school endeavor was a Phd in psychology, and she was recalling images of psych patients, people with who were too thin and had heavy bags under their eyes. Like Isabella in Alice's vision. "You need to be careful with her, Edward." Her head was full of lists of symptoms, diagnoses. "I don't know what she's gone through to end up in Forks, but I don't think it was particularly pleasant."_

" _I couldn't hurt her anymore than you could hurt Emmett."_

" _I'm going to make sure of that." She said, before strutting away. I could hear the determination in her voice, and I knew she meant it._

 _I didn't particularly care for Rosalie's methods, but I was grateful that she genuinely cared for my mate's soul._

 _I stepped outside, feeling the warmth of the setting sun on my cold skin. The forest would be the quickest way to get to her house without being noticed, so I started in that direction. It would have been a twenty minute drive, but I arrived in two._

 _I found a tree in her backyard, that allowed me access to both her window, and most of the lower floor of her house. That's where she was right now, eating dinner with her father. I didn't want to intrude on their privacy, but I needed to know if this is what made her upset._

 _I didn't have to wonder long. Charlie told her that her mother was worried, and wanted to know if she had taken her pills. What kind of pills, I wondered. I could see that he hadn't meant any harm by it- his thoughts were only of concern._

 _Isabella got up suddenly, throwing her half-finished piece of pizza away. She mumbled an excuse about having homework, and then practically ran up the stairs and into the bathroom._

 _She breathed heavily for a moment, but didn't let herself cry until the water was running._

 _My heart broke a thousand times, hearing her small cries. I wanted nothing else but to be able to go to her. But I couldn't._

 _What had been able to make her this upset? What had the medicine reminded her of?_

 _She stayed in the shower for the better part of an hour. I finally heard her get off the floor and start drying off. She walked to her bedroom, and I saw her through her open window. Her face was red, and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. She pulled off her towel quickly, and I tried my best to avert my eyes. Rose was right, though. Isabella was too thin. Her ribcage poked out, as did her hip bones, and the skin over the them looked paper thin._

 _I continued watching her after she got dressed. She got into bed and pulled the covers over herself. I listened to her breathing slowly start to even out over the course of a few minutes. She was asleep._

 _A little while later, her door creaked open. It was Charlie. He walked up to her bed, checking that she was still there, and making sure she was still breathing. Why would he have to do that? What had happened to her?_

 _His thoughts held no answers for me. After a moment of watching her, he left the room, closing the door behind himself._

 _I stayed the rest of the night, watching over her, listening to make sure her breathing was even. I couldn't force myself to leave until the dawn started breaking._

 _I was horrified by what I had seen, but I was glad I had been there. Alice didn't see anything happening the next night, so I stayed home. I didn't want to watch her, take away her privacy unless it was necessary to her safety._

 _I foolishly hoped she would reach out to me, let me help her. But she didn't._

 _I waited for a text all weekend, but it never came._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N : This will be an angsty chapter too, sorry y'all! It's shorter than usual- leading up to an unreasonably long chapter five. Also, if you want shorter chapters more frequently, or longer ones once a week let me know in the comments. Thank you for reading!**

 **CHAPTER FOUR-**

It was as if my first few days in Forks had been a dream- I was making friends, developing a serious crush, and happier than I'd been in a long time. I almost didn't remember why I had moved there in the first place. For some reason I thought that I could start fresh here, have a new life. I was so deluded that a simple question from Charlie resulted in a minor emotional breakdown.

I thought I had gotten away from all of the bad, but it followed me. It would always follow me, because _I_ was what was wrong.

After the incident Friday I folded into myself, spending the whole weekend in my room, thinking about the life I could have had here. Most of those daydreams involved Edward in some capacity, but I had to remind myself that nothing good could come of a relationship. I would only break his heart.

One small blessing was that Charlie worked most of the weekend. I know I had scared him on Friday night, and I wanted to make it better. I just didn't know how to do that yet.

I called Jess on Sunday and faked sick, telling her I had contracted a stomach bug and couldn't come over. She asked me about Edward, and I blamed my lack of communication on my fake illness, too.

I felt a little better on Monday morning, even though I didn't look it. The bags under my eyes had only gotten worse and I looked utterly exhausted.

But school was going okay, so far. I had learned how to mask my feelings pretty well, and if anyone noticed that my laugh sounded hollow, they were polite enough not to say anything. That made the classes leading up to the lunch period easy. I knew I was in for an interrogation over lunch though. I thought of faking sick again- not only would it get me out of lunch, I could also avoid Edward in biology. Two birds, one stone.

But I wasn't a good liar, so I wound up having a conversation that I desperately wanted to avoid.

"So what are you going to do about the Edward situation?" Jessica asked, as soon as I sat down with my water bottle and granola bar.

"Jess, it's hardly a situation." Because I wouldn't let it become one.

She sighed, clearly irritated with me, "I know I told you to play hard to get, but you might want to text him sometime this decade."

"I don't know if-" I tried to protest, but she cut me off.

"Bella, you are literally living out every girl at this school's wet dream. Please don't fuck this up," she urged, "I'm living vicariously through you so hard."

Despite Jess's insistence, I couldn't bring myself to speak to him. I didn't know what it was, but I could tell that if I let him in we would develop into something. A serious relationship.

And I couldn't do that to him. It felt so right, talking to him, but it would be selfish of me to let it continue, if it would only lead to a broken heart. But that didn't stop me from wanting to.

I didn't anticipate how hard staying away from Edward would be. He talked to me in biology on Monday, but my sudden coldness seemed to scare him off.

He left me alone for a few days after that. I would get a "Hello Isabella.", or a soft "Hey," when I got to the class we shared, and I would nod. That was the extent of our communication, and while it was for the best, it fucking sucked. Here was the most beautiful person I had ever seen, trying so desperately to talk to me, and I had to ignore it.

I would wait on the edge of my seat each day for the bell to ring, eager to get away from this man I wanted so badly. Every day was another test of my self control, and he didn't make it any damn easier, looking at me the way he did.

If it were a perfect world, I would let myself fall in love. I would talk to Edward, figure out why I had the strange sensation that I felt when we first met, like everything was finally falling into place.

But it wasn't a perfect world.

-e-

I was anxious to see her Monday. The two days of separation had been almost unbearable, further exaggerated by my worry about her well-being. The urge to be with one's mate is the strongest I have ever felt, even stronger than the call of blood. I needed to see her, needed to speak to her, to find out what could have caused the raw pain I saw on her face. Her pain was my pain now.

I didn't have a class with Isabella until lunch, but I saw her through the minds of others.

She looked better than she had on Friday night, but not by much. The bags under her eyes were tinged a deep purple, and it looked like she hadn't been to bed for days.

She was doing her best to fake it though. She was joking with her new friends, talking like nothing was wrong.

I tried my best not to listen to her and Jess's conversation, trying to give Bella her privacy. But I heard a few key points. Apparently, Jessica had told Isabella not to text me right away, but to wait until Saturday. Humans didn't like to be too forward, look too desperate.

Jess went on to warn Isabella about "fucking it up" with me. As if she could. I was so desperate to be hers, nothing could scare me off.

I was anxious to get to biology that day, praying that I would get the chance to speak to her. I could tell from Mr. Banner's mind that today would be light on teaching- he was one of the youngest teachers here, and as such he had a tendency to show up hungover a few times a week. Today we would be watching a video.

She didn't greet me when she sat down. I offered a gentle, "Hey," but she only nodded in response.

I meant to ask her how she was feeling, but instead what came out was, "Did you have a good weekend?", even though I already knew the answer to that question.

"Yeah," She lied, turning her eyes away from me and back to the video.

Even though it seemed her mind was elsewhere, her arm was next to mine on the table. It would take the smallest movement for me to touch her, but I wouldn't without invitation. Still, I could feel the gentle hum of electricity emanating from her skin. I knew that when I touched her for the first time, it would be even stronger. It would be easy to "accidentally" brush against her- feel the softness and warmth of her exposed forearm. But I wouldn't risk upsetting her just for my selfish impulse.

What had happened to the flirty, funny girl from last week? My mind fixated on what Charlie had said to her that seemed to cause all of this. "Have you been taking your meds?" What medicine was she taking (or possibly, not taking?) Is that what was making her this quiet, closed off creature? I had to do something, but I didn't know what I could possibly try. I had never felt helpless before I met Isabella.

The next few days went on like this. I would try to start a conversation with her, and she was never rude, but she made it very clear that she was not interested in talking to me.

After consulting with Alice, I decided to wait it out, wait until she came around. But a few more days passed, and on Thursday, I couldn't resist any longer.

She hadn't acknowledged me at the start of class, which was becoming a custom. She sat silently for the forty-five minute lecture. As soon as the bell rang, she was out of her seat, and on her way to the parking lot. I caught up to her in the hall.

"Isabella?"

"Yeah?" She looked at me and continued walking.

"Are you alright?"

The question seemed to catch her off guard, but she kept walking. I needed an answer, so I followed.

"Did I do something to upset you?" I pressed.

She seemed almost shocked at the question, "No, why would-"

"You won't talk to me." I reminded her.

She sighed, acknowledging that. "It's better that way." By this time, we had reached her truck. Her back was to her driver's side door, and her hand was fishing for the keys in her bag. Another way to avoid looking at me.

"Why?"

"Edward, there are things that you don't know about me. I am not a good person, I am not a good person to have around." Where was this coming from? If anyone was not a good person, it was me. I hardly thought any of Isabella's alleged sins could compare to mine.

"I disagree," I tried to argue with her, but she wouldn't have it.

"You don't even know me." She insisted.

"But I want to."

She looked resigned, "It's better if you don't."

I challenged her, "For whom, Isabella? You, or me?"

"You."

I almost laughed at the absurdity- how could my life possibly be better without her in it?

"Let me watch out for myself," I assured her, "Just talk to me again."

She began to play with her car keys,"I have to get home." She said, eyes fixed on the ground.

"Isabella". I wanted her to look at me.

She met my eyes then, and I could see that she was struggling. I thought maybe, this might have worked, she might let me in, just an inch.

She didn't answer though, just looked away.

"What are you afraid of?" My voice sounded desperate, even to my own ears.

"I… she paused,"I don't know." With that, she climbed into her truck and shut the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for continuing to follow, favorite and review! Sorry to make you wait so long for a new chapter, but the next one will be up soon and it's pretty juicy ;)**

 **-xoxo**

 _ **CHAPTER FIVE**_

After Edward cornered me after school, I couldn't go home. I needed something to do, to keep my mind off of him, or I would end ip dialing his number and saying some really pathetic things.

I decided I would go to the grocery store. My guess that Charlie was not much of a cook had been confirmed- we ate mostly take out, with grilled cheese and cereal thrown in sometimes. I could make dinner tonight. I wasn't a chef or anything, but I could do something basic like spaghetti.

When I got home, I tried to lose myself in the recipe, but it didn't work. All I could think about was him. The whole avoiding Edward thing worked a lot better when he wasn't talking to me. Because how could I not talk to him? How could I look into his amber eyes- eyes that were full of hurt and confusion- and tell him that I didn't want anything to do with him?

And he was so persistent, too. Why did he care so much? He could have his pick of the girls in Forks, Jess had told me so much. Did he feel the spark that I did? The weird sensation that I knew him, really knew him after only meeting him last week? And was that spark a good enough reason to let him close to me, to let him get hurt?

My mind swirled with questions- I was only brought back to reality when the pot began to boil over. I tried to stay more present as I finished dinner, not wanting to add a burned down house to the list of my problems.

I heard the door creak open around five. "Hey Bella!" Charlie called out.

He poked his head into the kitchen a look of surprise on his face, "Woah, you cook?"

"Don't get too excited, it's just spaghetti." Slightly overcooked spaghetti, at that.

"Still," he said, "Nice."

I replied, "Thanks Dad," and started digging out plates for dinner. We sat down, and Charlie hardily dug in.

"How has school been?" he asked me, around a mouth of food.

"Pretty good." I answered, pretty truthfully.

"Still hanging out with Jessica and Angela?"

"Yeah, they're really sweet."

"Good families." he said, with a nod.

"Good to know, dad."

He looked a little embarrassed before asking, "Any...boy issues?"

"Um, no." Again, technically true.

"I heard you were getting some attention from a Cullen boy."

"Dad!" How had he heard about that? Not that there was anything to hear about.

"What's um," he paused, "Going on with that?"

"Nothing- literally less than nothing."

"Sure, sure."

"Literally, how small is this town?"

"So he's not your boyfriend?"

"Dad." I fixed him with my most serious stare.

"Okay, well if that time comes, no sleepovers- if there is a boy here there are four feet on the floor and no closed doors."

"I'll make sure to let my imaginary boyfriend know."

When I woke up the next morning, I was surprised to not hear the usual patter of rain against my window. I looked outside and realized that it was snowing.

At first I was overjoyed- a snow day? And that's when I remembered I lived in Washington now.

Getting to school wasn't that horrible, actually. The roads were salted, and I drove like twenty below the speed limit. But, all things considered, I did pretty well. I got to school with ten minutes to spare, and climbed out of my car. I leaned against the bed of my truck and dug my headphones out of my backpack. I had a Mountain Goats song stuck in my head that I needed to listen to. I scrolled through my playlist until I found it. I also used the opportunity to look around for Edward's car, and sure enough, there he was across the parking lot. As soon as the guitar came in, I heard a sharp screech and saw the car that sliding on the ice, out of control. Headed right to where I was standing. I closed my eyes, and fact something hit me. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

I was on the ground. I barely had time to register what was happening- I was upright and then knocked to the ground, something was on top of me- no, someone. The screeching grew louder as the car came close and I braced myself for impact. But it was unnecessary. An arm reached out, pushing against the metal of the car as if it were tin foil, stopping it in its tracks. The car rocked back, before settling. It was then that I realised someone was still on top of me. I was breathing heavy and on the verge of a panic attack, but I looked to see who had pushed me out of the way.

"Edward?"

He looked deeply concerned, black eyes wide with worry. "Are you alright, Isabella?"

"I think so," was my shaky reply. I was sore all over, but there was no sharp, splitting pain.

Edward, as if realising he was still covering my body with his, scrambled to sit upright, and I saw him scan my body for injury.

That's when I noticed the screaming. It was a cacophony of voices, mixes of "Oh my God!" "Are you alright?" and instructions on how to move the car. The noise and confusion, coupled with my near death experience was quickly becoming too much for me. Everything was so _loud_ and I could hardly breathe, the tightness in my chest overwhelmed me.

It felt like I was dying. My rational brain was telling me it was a panic attack and that I would be fine in a few minutes, but I wasn't listening to it right now. I could feel the hot tears on my cheek. A cool arm touched my shoulder and I instinctively recoiled.

"Please don't." I squeaked out. The hand retracted. I tried to calm my breathing, doing an exercise my therapist had taught me. In for one, two, three. And out. One. Two. Three. After a minute or so my breathing regulated and I felt a little calmer.

He was there, sitting patiently, waiting for me to calm down. He was tapping his fingers in time to a rhythm I did not understand. It slowed down, and I realised with a shock that was keeping time with my heartbeat. How could he hear that?

Then the car was lifted away, shifted out far enough for Edward and I to climb out. He got up first, and offered me a hand that I shakily accepted. I wasn't steady on my feet, the adrenaline making me woozy. And I was sore all over from hitting the ground. The EMTs were already here, one ambulance was leaving, with the driver I assumed. I was herded over to the other. Edward followed me. The EMTs did a quick once over, and told me that they would need to take me to the hospital, just in case.

"Please, I'm fine." I hated hospitals.

"Sorry, it's procedure." The man didn't look very sorry. They made me lie down on a stretcher. Edward, however, got to sit. He was with me still. I guess he had probably been with me since the accident. My mind was still a blur.

Fork's emergency room consisted of a long row of beds with plastic curtains separating them. Edward was still with me, on the bed next to mine. They had told me to sit and wait until a nurse came and got me for x-rays.

We were both sitting on our beds, and Edward turned to face me, "Are you feeling alright?" His eyes were full of concern. His amber eyes- weren't amber anymore. They were a deep brown, the color of freshly tilled earth. They were beautiful, but still, why had they changed?

"Edward, your eyes…"

He seemed surprised, "What about them?"

"They're not the same color."

"Trick of the light." He said quickly, and averted his eyes. Maybe it was the angry fluorescent lighting, but I doubted it. "Did you hit your head, Isabella?"

I thought back, "Maybe. If I did it wasn't too hard. It doesn't hurt any worse than the rest of me."

His hand reached forward, and lightly touched my temple. "You've got a pretty nasty bruise starting to form there." The chill of his hand felt good on the sore spot, almost like an ice pack. Weird.

"Are you okay? Your hands are so cold."

"I'm fine, Isabella. You're the one who hit the ground first." He hadn't commented on his hands.

The nurse came then, and took me for testing. The technician told me that everything looked fine, but that I should go wait in the emergency room for a doctor to discuss my results with me. If everything was clear, I would be fine to go home.

When I got back, Edward wasn't there anymore.

I settled back down onto the bed I had left and began to count the tiles on the ceiling, anxious to leave. Charlie would be waiting, of course. And he probably told my Mom and it'll be such a big deal. Ugh.

Just as I was planning the damage control, a young doctor walked into the room. I could tell instantly that it had to be Dr. Cullen. Although he was blond and much more European looking than Edward and the rest of his siblings, his paper white skin and golden eyes gave him away.

"Isabella, I presume?" he asked.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen, " I replied, trying really hard not to stare. The Cullens were all just so fucking gorgeous.

"Well, I have good news and bad news." He smiled before continuing, "The good news is that you'll be fine. It doesn't look like you're concussed, or suffered any other head trauma, but if you start feeling dizzy or having vision problems call right away. The rest of you is fine too, you have a couple bad bruises, but those should heal soon. Over the counter pain relievers will help." Thank God. I wanted to avoid the hospital as much as I possibly could.

"What's the bad news?"

"Your father is waiting outside."

My dad wouldn't be so bad after he saw that I was alright, "Oh, that's-" Carlisle cut me off.

"Along with about half of Forks High."

Awesome. Nothing like social anxiety after a car accident. "Does the hospital have a back door or something?"

He laughed a little, "No, I'm afraid not. Edward told me that you didn't like crowds."

"Edward talked to you about me?"

I could see he was caught off guard, but he lied easily, "Oh yes, just now. I checked him out after the accident, and he's fine as well."

"That's good to hear."

"Yes. Well, if you don't have any questions, you're free to go".

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen."

"Oh, Carlisle is fine."

"Thank you Carlisle."

"I'll see you later Isabella. Although, hopefully not in this setting."

He walked out of the room, and I followed him, looking for the waiting area. But I saw a familiar face before I got too far. Edward was leaning on the hallway wall, and instantly looked up when I walked up.

"Hey," he said

"Hi,"

"What's the prognosis?" He asked me, face serious.

"According to your father, I'll be fine," I leaned in conspiratorially, "But be honest, do you think I should get a second opinion. He looks a little young."

He smiled. "No, you're in good hands."

I needed to stop flirting with him. "Edward, thank you. Again." I knew I shouldn't be talking to him, but how could I possibly ignore the person who just saved my life? "If it wasn't for you, they'd still be scraping bits of me off the asphalt."

He looked a little pained, "Don't say that."

"No it's true, And I really appreciate it. Is there anyway I could even start to make it up to you?" I had been so rude to him, and it seemed like he didn't hold it against me at all.

"You don't owe me anything, Isabella. Having you here, breathing, is enough." Goddamn, did he have to look so sincere when he said things like that?

"But, I certainly wouldn't mind if you texted me later to tell me how you were doing."

"Deal," I agreed. That would make not falling in love with him a little harder, but how could I deny him?

"Feel better, Isabella." He smiled at me one last time before turning to leave.

Then I knew that I couldn't stay away from him anymore.

I returned to school after I saw that Isabella was okay. I needed something to distract me from thoughts of her. I had felt so much today, more than I think I ever had in this life. First, there was the crippling fear that she would be killed in front of my eyes, the relief of getting to her in time, the more ungentlemanly relief I had over finally having her in my arms, the fear I had from her panic attack and afterwards for her well-being. And then at the hospital it was relief again, finding out that she would be fine, and finally, joy that she agreed to text me later. I hoped we were on speaking terms again.

I tried my best to stay focused in Spanish, but it was useless. I spoke the language better than the teacher anyway- it was no fault of hers, she had been studying the subject for ten years while I had spent 70 years both learning and practicing it. I was continually distracted by thoughts of my Isabella. I did think of her as mine now, even if that was unfair. But, I hoped this would be a turning point for us, that she would finally let me get to know her.

When class ended, I made my way to the cafeteria to sit with my family. I wanted desperately to speak to Alice, to see if she had been able to see any future for Isabella and me starting to form. Like an answer to my prayers, she sat down next to me with a knowing smile on her face.

Without a word from me, Alice called to mind an image of Isabella, looking even lovelier than she already did. She had filled out a little, and her face didn't seem so gaunt. I then saw that I was with her. We both looked so happy. Then, I noticed that Bella's skin was slightly paler than it already was. Her eyes glowed a light amber color. She was one of us.

"Alice, why?"

She answered me back silently, in her mind, _I don't know. But this means that you'll be together! That she's decided to let you in. That's a good thing, isn't it?_

"Yeah, Alice. I guess it is." I got up then, and told my family that I was going to sit outside for a while. This was too much. I had wanted Isabella, there was no denying that, but I never intended on turning her. How could I force her to live like me? Turn her beautiful eyes red, replace her primary emotions with bloodlust? I couldn't do it to her, I wouldn't.

But that too presented a problem. I was seventeen, and I would always be seventeen. Isabella would grow older, change. She would look fine by my side for years to come, but after she was twenty five, thirty even, we would look odd together. I couldn't imagine how it would feel to her, going out with her mate and being mistaken for my mother. Or later even grandmother. I knew that was not a future she wanted. But that's how it would have to be, if she was to remain human.

Maybe the answer was to walk away from her now, and let her find a human that would grow old with her. But part of me knew it was too late for that. I would follow her in the shadows for the next few decades, dying a little every time I saw another man touch my mate. And then when she passed on, I would have to find a means of self-destruction. I had found my purpose when she came into my world, I would not be able to continue without her.

And these were just my selfish musings- she might be mated to me just as I am to her. I don't know how she feels, how deep her feelings for me run. I might just be a crush, but I sensed that she felt something more than that, even if she didn't recognize it yet. So what the hell was I to do?

Maybe I shouldn't even consider it now. I should wait until I know how she feels towards me, then decide. No, I realized. We should decide. Isabella had stakes in this and I needed to let her choose. That would mean telling her about us. It was a clear violation of the rules, but I knew we could trust her to keep the secret, even if she didn't want to be with me.

I had been outside for too long, and I knew the bell would ring soon. I decided to go to biology instead of skipping. I could take notes for Isabella, and have another excuse to speak to her.

Mr. Banner was not in the teaching mood, as usual. He waited for the class to file in, and when the bell rang he began to speak. "We'll be starting a research project today. Get together with your lab partner and make a poster and prepare to present your findings on a topic that will be assigned to you." Mr. Banner started walking between desks, passing out slips of paper. He got to mine and handed me a slip with the word "GMO" scribbled on it.

"You will be given class time today to work on the assignment, but will need to arrange time outside of class to prepare your posters and do further research." He was still at my desk, "Edward, I know Bella will be out today- feel free to start but you two may have an extension if you need it." That was kind of him.

I was thrilled about this new assignment. I would be spending time with Isabella outside of school. Just then, my phone buzzed quietly in my pocket. I checked it under the table, and was pleasantly surprised to see a text from an unknown number. _Still not dead, thanks to you - Bella._


	6. Chapter 6

Hey everyone!

I will be re-writing this story (and finishing it this time!). If you want to read the new version or the next chapters, find _afterglow: a twilight re-telling_ on my author page. The older version of _afterglow_ will be deleted soon.

Thank you to everyone who's taken the time to read my work!

xoxo,

Madeline


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